Friday, October 06, 2006

Things Got Worse

Well, we thought my grandmother was going to be doing just fine. The doctor said that she only had a slim 15% chance of having complications.

She can't move one whole side of her body. Her words are very slurred, and she looks very helpless. I tried all day long not to cry. I don't like to cry and always try to hold it in. I am usually successful, but I nearly lost it when I hugged her and said goodbye. It's so sad to see her like that. All my life my grandmother has been strong and kept on going. But I guess when a person hits their early 80s, these things start to happen. It's still very new for me. I was perfectly fine about all of this, but once I saw her today I was forever scarred.

I'm not saying my grandmother will pass away tomorrow. She's still got energy in her, but this is a new phase and I am fully aware that the grandmother I had a few short days ago may never again quite be the one I will have from here on. It's still her, but it's as if I'm looking at her in another world.

The one thing I can say that is positive for certain is that she doesn't look all that depressed. I'm sure she doesn't like being at the hospital, but she still smiles and laughs and all that stuff the same as she did before. The personality is the one thing that hasn't changed, and I feel so blessed for that. I just hope she gets to be a little more independent like she was just a few days ago instead of lying in bed like a vegetable.

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